Aaron is ready to get fixed. Permanently. You know, down there. He is ready to be done with this stage. Too much information for close friends and families, possibly? Too much information for a public blog, certainly.
I am not quite ready to shut the door. You may be shocked by this statement. We have a lot of kids. I proclaim my ineptness and my sad disorganized state most days. Yet, I am not ready to say we are done. I am just starting to get this motherhood thing down.
I am a strong believer that both partners must be fully engaged and excited to bring a baby into the world. Manipulation and coercion should have no part in this decision. One partner says no, the answer should be no, in my opinion. I realize that we do things for our spouses to try and make them happy, but this should NOT be one of them.
The thing is even when you are so excited to have children, there are moments when you wonder, what have I done? I cannot imagine the intensity of these types of feelings if you had not wanted a child in the first place. I believe this stuff comes out in ugly, ugly ways in a marriage.
This has me wondering, though, how many partners feel completely done having children at the same time. They look at each other, nod their heads, and know that is it.
How many are left disagreeing? How many people yearn and wish they would have had more? How many people feel like they should have stood up to their spouse and stopped before they did?
9 comments:
We're done, and it was unanimous. It just seemed obvious to both of us.
I've heard of people saying that they have a "feeling" that they should have more kids. Like there's another one waiting up there for them. I hope I don't have that. I hope that when I am ready to be done, that I can be done.
As for deciding with your spouse, I listened to a talk by Lund and he said it's 90% the woman's decision. I don't think it should be that much, but I think as a woman we have a bit more of a say since we're the primary care-givers. Erik has said he would like 4 kids, but I'm leaning towards 3. And since I'm the one taking care of them, he has said that it's my decision. So we'll see.
Sorry for the rambling.
Fixed! :) That was the 1st thing that came to my mind when I saw your title! I love it!
It wasn't hard for the 2 of us - we're done, I'm fixed! We could barely handle our 1st 2 kids, so we figured we had better stop with 4! ha ha Plus old age, plus insanity, plus ...
SkiBikeJunkie - I always knew you two were a good match.
Skye - I like the rambling. Interesting, about Gerald Lund. I think things are a lot different now then they were when he was raising kids because men are so much more involved than they used to be.
Patty - Funny. I wonder what is on your mind, lately?
I feel extremely grateful for my 2 boys. I don't ever feel bad I can't have more, I just feel lucky always for the two I was given.
Perspective. That's where I was going with all that. I don't think there is guilt or regret involved when you think of life from another's perspective. The choice is definitely personal, but don't let guilt or regret get in the way of what really matters. I have peace and it is amazing!
Robyn - Well said. Gratitude is definitely the key to a peaceful and happy life. Thanks for the reminder.
I sometimes just wonder what it would be like to have to make this decision and maybe I am grateful that it is one decision I dont have to make!! Good Luck-if you need to go shopping to help out things let me know?:)
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